With the anniversary of the Eaton and Palisades fires upon us, Southern California residents may find themselves running through a myriad of emotions — sadness, anger, irritability or even frustration — as they try to process the trauma associated with last year’s devastation.
“The anniversary of a trauma — whether it’s one year, two years, five years or however many years — can inspire a resurgence of emotions,” said Shyrea Minton, chair of California State University, Northridge’s Department of Educational Psychology and Counseling. “There’s the resurgence of feelings of lack of safety, linking back to what happened that night. Feelings of grief, of uncertainty may just reappear. It’s natural to have these feelings, these emotions can pop up around the anniversary.
“When we’re working with clients, we work with them to create rituals for themselves and loved ones that may help them to process the loss and grief, to help them get through the devastation,” continued Minton, a licensed counselor. “Returning to those rituals or making plans for the anniversary day can really help to recenter and ground the self. It’s important to remember that it’s okay to feel what they are feeling, and to know that they are not alone.”
Jan. 7, 2025 started out as a typical Southern California winter day. The sun was out and high winds were blowing through the canyons. That evening, 100 mph winds sent flames racing across the San Gabriel and Santa Monica Mountains, tearing through the communities of Altadena, Pasadena, Pacific Palisades and Malibu.
By the time the fires were fully contained by the end of January 2025, at least 31 people had been killed, and nearly 16,000 homes, apartment buildings, schools, places of worship, businesses and other structures had been destroyed. Whole neighborhoods were gone. Rebuilding is still in the beginning stages. Residents and political leaders admit it may take years before the communities are restored.
While, intellectually, people know that it will take time to heal, Minton said that for many it’s hard to acknowledge that the pain and grief is still feel fresh a year after the fires. They assume they must “be strong” for their children, friends or other people in their circle, she said.
“I think, as a society, we have evolved somewhat, but we still have a long way to go, particularly when it comes to the expression of emotion, to the recognition that it’s okay to have feelings” she said. “It’s okay to not be okay. You’re not actually helping anyone by putting on that mask. What you’re saying is that it’s not okay for me to feel, which children and other family members might interpret as ‘it’s not okay for me to feel either, so let me stuff it all down and pretend that everything’s okay.’
“When we put our mask on, we’re actually not helping anyone, not our children, not our spouse or partner, not our friends, not ourselves,” she said.
Minton said individuals need to become comfortable expressing their emotions, even if that means crying on occasion.
“For some reason, society tells us it’s not okay to cry,” she said. “But that’s not how it should be. We know, chemically, that crying is a release. That’s why we have that phrase ‘Cry it out. It’ll make you feel better.’ When we’re feeling sad, when we’re experiencing grief, when we’re scared or when we’ve experienced trauma, crying is a way for the body to release all of that.”
By suppressing one’s emotions, an individual is not only not helping themselves, but they are also not helping those around them, Minton said.
“We know that you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of other people,” she said. “But that’s a lot easier said than done.”
Minton said to think of self-care like the safety instructions given before an airplane flight.
“On an airplane we are told to affix our oxygen masks first before we try to help someone else,” she said. “That is just as true when it relates to emotion — if you are denying your emotions, your feelings, if you are pretending that everything is fine, you yourself are not healing. You’re not actually helping anyone in your circle that you are trying to be strong for.”
“Acknowledge that you are sad, that you’ve experienced a profound loss,” she continued. “When you allow yourself to recognize that you have been affected profoundly, that can lead you to wonder how your children, your partner, your friends are experiencing that loss. You can now come together to honestly and fully support one another.
“When you deny those emotions, state that you are fine, you are also likely denying what the people in your circle are experiencing,” Minton said. “Again, you’re not helping anyone.”
Offering support to those who are experiencing a myriad of emotions around the anniversary of the Eaton and Palisades fires can be as simple as just being there for them, Minton said.
“Sometimes people don’t want to reach out because they don’t know what to say, what to do,” Minton said. “But you don’t need to say anything other than ‘I’m here.’ You don’t need to do anything. Something as simple as sending a quick text — ‘Hey, I recognize that it’s the anniversary of the fires and I’m here if you want to talk or just go somewhere’— can make such a big difference to an individual who is contending with all of these resurging emotions because they have experienced this devastation first hand.”
#PROUDNEICE ! Allanee’